Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
