There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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