What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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