"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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