me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
