I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
