I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Can you bring me the toilet please
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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