I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize