Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
