I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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