Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
