i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
