if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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