If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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