My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
