yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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