The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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