Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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