Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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