That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
