cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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