Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
