He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
