Me too!
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
