My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Enjoy the penises
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
