Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
