No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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