Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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