Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
