I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
