If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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