I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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