if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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