Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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