if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
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You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
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I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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