u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
