it hurts more in the daytime
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
