I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
