and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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