Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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