If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize