i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
