Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The beer is more important than you right now.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
