I got chris browned last night
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
