Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
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The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
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I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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