we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
