before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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