no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
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sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
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I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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