He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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