I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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