I am puke
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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