he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
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Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
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You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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