Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
