Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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