My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
