Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
This is my gift to your gina
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
