I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
