wrigley field is MILF paradise
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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