hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My vagina is officially offended.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
