AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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