Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
