Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
