I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
