it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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