It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
