i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
