He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
