my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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