Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
