Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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