hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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