We're facebook friends in real life
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
