Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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